Healthy Boundaries     

Boundaries provide a source of protection, a "me" space, a definitive "area" that is important for one to maintain specific beliefs around their truth.  Boundaries can be physical, psychological and spiritual.  A healthy boundary is created when one chooses and believes in what each boundary is composed of and knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are worthy of the boundary.    Physical Boundaries:

• define your personal space and your right to be safe in that space
• define your right to control how you are touched and how close that you allow people to you  ("me space")

 Psychological Boundaries:

• define your right to not be "put down", shamed, manipulated, lied to, brainwashed
• define your right to say "NO" and have that respected
• define your right to be angry and to express anger appropriately
• define your right to not be used for another persons needs without your consent

Spiritual Boundaries:

• define your right to not be objectified, stereotyped, or made to feel that you are somehow "less than" because of your beliefs
• define your right to feel your own feelings and think your own thoughts when taught about different belief systems
• define your right to decide which religion or spiritual belief system rings true to you

   Tips for Setting Boundaries:

• When you identify the need to set a limit with someone, do it clearly, preferably without anger and in as few words as possible
• You cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another's feelings
• You may feel ashamed or afraid when you set the boundary...at first.
• Anger, rage, panic, aloofness, whining are all clues that you need boundaries
• Know that you will be tested when you begin to set boundaries
• Be prepared to follow through even when tested.  This will boost self esteem!
• You will set boundaries only when you are fully ready and not a second earlier
• A support system can be very helpful as you strive to set and reinforce your "space"
• Know that "Healthy Boundaries" benefit everyone!

   There can be a fun and exhilarating side to setting boundaries as you begin to realize what feels "true" to you.  And as you actually uphold these boundaries, you will feel empowered, strong and worthy!    May the "Force be with you"!    Dr L