Expectations

One definition of expectation (dictionary.com) states: "the degree of probability that something will occur".  We believe, due to some circumstance(s), (i.e. what has been learned in a relationship, what past experiences have taught us, in hope of future happiness or positive outcomes), that an event will take place.  We may come to expect that a certain person will be available to talk over a situation with us, provide us with money or material possessions or complete tasks for us.  We may expect that we will continue to have a job, be married, raise healthy children with our same beliefs or a myriad of other things.  We may even hold expectations of ourselves to "be, do, act" in certain ways because of how we were taught or because we have noticed that certain ways will produce certain results.

The truth is, although there are very positive outcomes associated with some expectations, there are also negative outcomes due to the crossing of boundaries. We may hold expectations that either we or another are not physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually able to deliver.  We may tell ourselves that "I/they should do this...", "if I love them or they love me then....", or "I/they have to because...".  These statements may be due to gremlin voices that hold us in unhealthy paradigms. 

We may desire an outcome for very positive reasons.  However, expectations differ from desires in that when we "expect" we hold "conditions" without taking into account if the other person or we can actually deliver.  Due to the "conditions", we cross boundaries and negative results occur.  In desires, all parties discuss the hopeful outcomes.  If someone is unable to deliver, that is communicated and this allows a deeper level of understanding and typically more positive feelings even when the outcomes are not delivered.

So...are you holding expectations of yourself or another that are not being met?  Do you become sad or angry because they are not met?  If so, it is time to understand why these outcomes are not occurring and find a way to communicate in honesty.

Here is an exercise:

"What am I expecting of myself that I cannot presently deliver?

Physically: _______________________________            

Mentally/Emotionally: ____________________            

Spiritually:________________________________            

What am I expecting of others that they cannot presently deliver?

Physically: _______________________________            

Mentally/Emotionally:_____________________            

Spiritually:________________________________            

I hope that the journey produces positive outcomes,

Dr. L